'Vulnerability is courage on fire'
I think blogging is one of those things where I say 'oh I should write that in my blog'...then two months pass and it hasn't happened.
One thing that's been continually popping up for me is the need to stay 'soft' hearted. I've heard it over and over from so many people. In particular, recently a family member said to me "one of the greatest gifts in life is the ability to love". I couldn't agree more. I remember talking to Chad about this. I'd spent my life in relationships always having my guard up, never really opening up to the person I was with. Chad had this ability to wear his heart on his sleeve and love without holding anything back. When I asked him about it, he said "Whats the point of loving someone if you aren't going to jump in with both feet?". Such a simple explanation. I admire how men have this ability to simplify things. We women overthink and analyze, guys just see it for what it is. Chad saw love as something you should approach with no inhibitions. I remember learning this from him, and for the first time in my life being able to be with someone and really experiencing it...no walls, no guards, nothing held back. It was terrifying at first, but I felt so safe with him that it really didn't matter. Feeling so deeply is both a blessing and a curse, because losing him caused hurt I didn't even know a human being was capable of feeling. The easiest thing would be to go back to living my life like I did before, put those walls up, be tough, be hard and closed off. Am I doing that? Definitely not. He showed me that even with the risk of the heartbreak, the experience of loving like that is absolutely worth it. Worth the risk, the potential heartbreak. Losing Chad was the complete worst thing that ever could have happened. To be honest, its made me less fearful of other things. Heartbreak , for example. I can handle a broken heart. Mines already been shattered, the worst has happened, and somehow here I am, still alive. When you feel like you've already had the worst possible thing happen in your life, nothing else feels scary. Losing the love of my life is a constant reminder that every day is precious. Why waste time putting up walls or trying to 'protect' our heart. At the end of the day, we're doing ourselves a disservice by doing this,. Life is meant to be lived, and love is meant to be experienced. Love doesn't necessarily need to mean romance. Love comes in so many forms. Love for a friend, an animal, a child. We need more love in this world. I encourage you, make the jump. Experience things wholeheartedly. I promise, you won't regret it.