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Blogging...first attempt

I'm not even entirely sure what the point of blogging is. For some reason, I'm feeling some draw to give it a go. I already have a blog via my videos, but for some reason writing feels different. I've always been really affected by words. I love poetry and quotes. Who says these words, what they say, and why they say it. I really do believe that certain people and things cross our paths when they are meant too. I especially notice this lately. Losing Chad has been something that has connected me even more and made me even more aware of so many things. For those of you who follow my social media outlets and watch my videos, maybe I'm starting to sound like a broken record. Chad is all I talk about, all I think about, and most of what I post about. But I can't help it. He was always my everything, my man, my number one. Just when he was here, him and I could express this mutual feeling to each other. Now that he's gone to heaven, I feel the need to express all this love I still have for him, I just don't have him here to share it with anymore. Theres a quote I love, that Chad had actually sent to me (he loved poetry and quotes too - that man was seriously made for me)...the quote says 'I'm not saying that I think of you constantly, but I can't deny the fact that each time my mind wanders, it always finds some way back to you'. This, describes my life exactly. He was always on my mind, when you're head-over-heels crazy reach for the stars madly in love with someone, thats how it works. And yes, that kind of love exists. It's like fairytale love. And when you find the soulmate that the universe has created for you to share it with, theres seriously no greater feeling. I never believed it existed, til Chad. I always thought I was scared of commitment, marriage wasn't for me, I was better single, etc. I dated, had some long term relationships even. But every time the talk of the future came up, in the back of my head I'd be

saying 'nope not happening'. I thought its just how I was. But then Chad came along. I had met him before, spent time with him 7 years prior. But when we reconnected, it was like being in the middle of a hurricane. He hit me like a ton of bricks, and I had this realization that this commitment-phobe, anti-marriage, unaffectionate person I had become, wasn't who I really was. It was just that I was waiting all that time, to find my way back to where I belonged. Wrapped in that mans arms.

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